It's time to find myself (A letter i wrote to Pooja before my divine journey)

Dear Pooja,

I wanted to get away for a while. No phones, no contacts, no known destinations, no proper itinerary, with not much money, no trails, no work, no responsibilities, into a far strange world. When i told my desire to you, you were so much worried and resisted me not to do so. Obviously every pregnant woman would like her husband to be with her. I very much understand that. Over a discussion, i had to unconditionally surrender to your request and decided to consult a Psychiatrist. He was in hurry to leave for that day, listened to us for few minutes, tagged me as one "Depressed Person", prescribed some medication and gave few casual advises. Utterly waste of money. If had spent the same money over a party, my friends would have given me much better advises than him when they are drunk. 

I have been thinking why i am being diagnosed with so called "Depression". Good that i took few weeks break from work and other responsibilities and just sat at home in the day time reading books, watching few wonderful movies and writing blogs.  In the evening, i used to go for very long walk, no specific route, no specific distance, all alone. Walk till my thoughts and questions on that particular day will end with conclusions.

After writing that blog "Am i in depression? Am i not", i realized that am actually not in any kind of depression. I was doing so damn good. I was just talking truth with people. I was expressing my real concerns on society around us. With very few people of-course. Anyways, lot of people who have turned from human beings to mechanical robots have lost the ability to digest the truth. One of them who can actually understand and accept the truth is you. You slowly realized that whatever i was talking, was very much sensible and true. 

I did't utter a word on my plans with anyone. They are not good listeners. They would be very scared and worried about me. Worst thing, they would play highly emotional dramas, that would have been pushed all of us into "Depression". All of us would have needed a Psychiatrist. 

30 years long after arriving, however, i have started feeling "corrupted" by modern civilization and i have decided to go away for a while and find myself. I just want to walk into the wild,  content with the isolation, living in remote areas, helping strangers, reading books and keeping a dairy for my thoughts as I prepare myself for a new life.  I do not want anyone to know what am doing or  where am going, and i refuse to keep in touch with all of you after my departure. This will  leave everyone to become increasingly anxious and eventually desperate sometimes. I take this opportunity to beg you all to accept this with open heart and respect my decision.

A trance-like state settles over my efforts; the climb becomes a clear-eyed dream. Hours will slide by like minutes. The accumulated clutter of day-to-day existence—the lapses of conscience, the unpaid bills, the bungled opportunities, the dust under the couch, the inescapable prison of my genes—all of will be temporarily forgotten, crowded from my thoughts by an overpowering clarity of purpose and by the seriousness of the task at hand.

You must know i love you very much. So much that am taking this risk for our future. You need to be very strong, calm, healthy and happy. Financial Commitments and Details are in Notes in my iPhone. Take care of saplings recently planted. I have earned few finest friends. Am not gonna name them here, otherwise they will be entitled to help you in my absence. Please accept any kind of help offered to you without a pinch of hesitation. We will pay them back when i return back. Get a book and start documenting whatever you feel and experience from Day.

You should not worry about me. I promise i will take good care of myself. No negative thoughts. I promise no one can stop me from getting back to you. You should not cry. Save your tear droplets for me till i get back. I will turn them into finest pearls. My news is gonna be biggest blockbuster in our family and friends circle. People will start talking weird things behind you and sometimes with you. They will start creating stories on my past, present and future. Don't listen to any of them and do whatever you need to do. Pool of sympathy, advises, questions, rumors, support will be showered on you from all corners. Please try to accept all of them with utmost humble, assertive and positive attitude. Don't be mean to anyone.

I promise i will get back to you :)

With love, logging out @ 4:00 AM, 06-Jul-2015
RD