IT Family 2.0 - A Play

 IT FAMILY 2.0

                                             

CHARACTERS
WIFE
HUSBAND
SON
DAUGHTER
FIRST HUSBAND/DOG



[A beautiful house. A good-looking WIFE cleaning her beautiful living room.  
The front door opens and HUSBAND enters.]

[Battameez dil battameez dil]

HUSBAND: Hi, Honey!  I’m home!

WIFE: Who are you?  What are you doing in my house?!

HUSBAND: I’m your new husband baby.  Where should I put my coat?

[He tries to hug WIFE, but she backs away from him terrified.]

WIFE: Don’t touch me!  I’ll scream!  I’ll call the police!

HUSBAND: Cool Down Babby..! Aren’t you going to ask how my day was?

WIFE: [Evanyaako Bittogo Thara Kaantha illa.. Swalpa divert maadona] 
How … how was your day?

HUSBAND: It was awful!  Just like every other day!  Same old boring job, boss, life, Wife. And then, on the way home, suddenly it hit to me—why come home to the same old boring wife and house and kids and dog when I could try something new?

WIFE: But … I already have a husband.

HUSBAND: Eurekaaa! I have an idea! He can have my wife.  Where does he work?

WIFE: He’s an IT engineer.

HUSBAND: Perfect!  I love technology!  All those little gadgets and stuff!  It’ll be great!

WIFE: Look, I’m … I’m sorry your life is so boring.  My life is boring too.  But you can’t just walk in here and expect us to—

HUSBAND: Oh!  I almost forgot! Look Here! I brought you flowers!

[He shows a bouquet of flowers from his coat.]

WIFE: You brought me flowers?

HUSBAND: They’re orchids—a symbol of rare beauty and eternal love—my love for you.

WIFE: My … my husband hasn’t brought me flowers in almost fifteen years.

HUSBAND: I wrote you a song too.

WIFE: A song?

HUSBAND: [Tum hi ho song from Ashiqui2 movie]

WIFE: That’s beautiful.  You … you really wrote that?

HUSBAND: Only for you.

[Pause.  She considers this.]


WIFE: Do you pee in the shower?

HUSBAND: Never.

WIFE: Snore?

HUSBAND: I don’t think so.

WIFE: Any history of baldness in your family?

HUSBAND: On the contrary.  We’re very hairy.

WIFE: Anniversary in Ooty or Goa?

HUSBAND:  Both.

WIFE: Watch Cricket or do me in the kitchen?

HUSBAND: Do you really have to ask?

[He moves closer to kiss her]

WIFE: Easy, Tiger.  You’ll have to win the kids over first.  Children! [Enter SON and DAUGHTER.] Children, meet your new father.

HUSBAND: Hi, kids.

SON: You’re not my father!  You’re a fake!  An imposter!

WIFE: Heyyyyyy!

HUSBAND: Honey please! Let me handle it! Do you like Cricket?

SON: Sure.

HUSBAND: I’ll take you to the Big Game.

SON: The Big Game?!  No way! [He embraces HUSBAND.] I love you, Dad!

DAUGHTER: What about me?  I hate Cricket.

HUSBAND: Do you like shopping?

DAUGHTER: Duh.

HUSBAND: Here—knock yourself out.

[He hands her a hundred rupee bill.]

DAUGHTER: A hundred rupee bill?!  You’re the greatest!

WIFE: Go play in your room, kids.  Your father and I need some time alone.

DAUGHTER: Sure thing, Mom.

SON: See ya later, Dad.

WIFE: Let me call my husband and ask him  to come home. [Tick Tick Tick]
Helloooo!

FIRST HUSBAND: Hi Darling, what are you doing Darling?

WIFE: I’m dying..!

FIRST HUSBAND: Don't die dear!  how can I live without you?

WIFE: You fool! I am dying my hair..

FIRST HUSBAND: Bloody English Language!

WIFE: Can you come home ASAP?

FIRST HUSBAND: Will be home in a minute!

[Car speeding sound]

FIRST HUSBAND: Hi, Honey!  I’m … 

[A sad but funny song for original husband entry]

what’s going on here?!  Who are you man?!

HUSBAND: Who are you by the way?

FIRST HUSBAND: I’m calling the police!

WIFE: Wait!  Give me the house key.

FIRST HUSBAND: What?

WIFE: Your key.  Hand it over.

FIRST HUSBAND: I don’t understand.

WIFE: He’s replacing you.

FIRST HUSBAND: Replacing me?

WIFE: That’s right.  He’s in—you’re out.

FIRST HUSBAND: But why?!


WIFE: He brought me flowers!  When’s the last time you brought me flowers?!

FIRST HUSBAND: I—

WIFE: Exactly.  Now stop stuttering and hand over the key.

FIRST HUSBAND: But … what about the kids?!  You can’t take the kids away from me!  
Kids! 




[Enter SON and DAUGHTER.] You don’t want me to go—do you kids?

SON: He’s taking me to the Big Game.

FIRST HUSBAND: I’ll take you!

SON: Too late.  You had your chance.

FIRST HUSBAND: But—

DAUGHTER: Sorry.  It’s nothing personal.

WIFE: [Her hand outstretched] The key.

FIRST HUSBAND: But I don’t want to go!  Please, I’ll … I’ll do anything!  Just let me stay!  
I won’t bother you!  I’ll stay out of the way!  I’ll … I’ll be another kid!  Or the family dog!

SON: I’ve always wanted a dog!
Please?!  Can I keep him?!  Can I?!

WIFE: I don’t know.  What do you think, Honey?

HUSBAND: Wellll, I don't know either!

SON: I’ll take care of him!  I promise! 
[To FIRST HUSBAND/DOG.] Come here, boy!  Sit!  Roll over!  Play dead!  Good boy!

FIRST HUSBAND/DOG: Woof!  Woof!


[The whole scene is just a bad dream for First Husband. Wife who listned to his scream, wakes him up. He then realize what he seen was just a dream and realize how much he is ignoring his family because of his hectic work.]

FIRST HUSBAND: Its a dream! Oh My God! Its just a bloody dream! I will never ingnore you my darling, kids and family for my work! 
Oh my god! I will never do that again!

[The play ends]

With Love,
RD

An year passed like Usain Bolt!

First monsoon shower of words from Pooja!
 

Chinnaa..

It’s been a year since we got engaged !! Days passed so soon, just in a blink of eye !!  I can still feel and remember the day when u came home with a blue shirt and running nose :P . I can still remember that smile , when u saw me !! J . The day when we passed more than 2 hours sharing things , I cursing time that went so fast ! .   The night at Chitravana when u eagerly want to know my answer !   

 The first day when I entered your home in Bangalore, I was so nervous my heart was pounding ! My mind was saying not to go, but my heart was dying to stay with you for more time, so I followed my heart  and to mention I can’t forget the taste of Mixed Dosa which u fed me !!

 How can I forget the wonderful day when I stayed back at your place ! I was waiting for a single word from you “ Stay back “ finally you said it !! I was on Cloud 9 !! J I could hear my heart beat when I slept beside you !! I dint expect but it came like a monsoon wind the first Kiss , I still get goose bumps when I think about it !!

 The day when you went on your Knees , I was flying high ! The way you decorated with flowers it was magical. !! The pretty gifts showed me how much you love me ! The silver jewelry is the reflection of  your love !  The ear ring which you wearing is the symbol of our love ! ! Ahh.I was a Pari on that day,  I can’t never forget that day !!

 I felt bad when are marriage dates were fixed, because of long gap  from Jan to Sep 9 months ;) !!  Your love and affection turned tat 9 long months to very short period !! You made me an angel in your life which am proud of ! You made my life as Heaven on Earth . J I am blessed with your Love, Care and Affection. Each and every day which I spent with you in Jaynagar Home I can never forget in my entire life !!  Those days made us so close and I got a chance to know what a wonderful person you are ! Your love, your natgat, the way you tease me has made my life so romantic. ! I am truly blessed to get a Wonderful Husband like you !

Finally my dream come true when u knot me with your Love ! Wow what a wonderful day it was !!! The day when I officially entered your home ;) was amazing, I felt so loved..:) I am truly blessed to get all love and affection from Amma and Appa.. ! J You have made my life so wonderful which I can’t express through words ! I could have said this to you in personnel but sharing with you in words make me feel wonderful

 Still there are no words to share  my love to you sweetheart ! Thanks for everything baby !! I am very much blessed to have you in my Life.. J

 Love u !!!

 

Pooja