Dear Pooja,
I wanted to get away for a while. No phones, no contacts, no known destinations, no proper itinerary, with not much money, no trails, no work, no responsibilities, into a far strange world. When i told my desire to you, you were so much worried and resisted me not to do so. Obviously every pregnant woman would like her husband to be with her. I very much understand that. Over a discussion, i had to unconditionally surrender to your request and decided to consult a Psychiatrist. He was in hurry to leave for that day, listened to us for few minutes, tagged me as one "Depressed Person", prescribed some medication and gave few casual advises. Utterly waste of money. If had spent the same money over a party, my friends would have given me much better advises than him when they are drunk.
I have been thinking why i am being diagnosed with so called "Depression". Good that i took few weeks break from work and other responsibilities and just sat at home in the day time reading books, watching few wonderful movies and writing blogs. In the evening, i used to go for very long walk, no specific route, no specific distance, all alone. Walk till my thoughts and questions on that particular day will end with conclusions.
After writing that blog "Am i in depression? Am i not", i realized that am actually not in any kind of depression. I was doing so damn good. I was just talking truth with people. I was expressing my real concerns on society around us. With very few people of-course. Anyways, lot of people who have turned from human beings to mechanical robots have lost the ability to digest the truth. One of them who can actually understand and accept the truth is you. You slowly realized that whatever i was talking, was very much sensible and true.
I did't utter a word on my plans with anyone. They are not good listeners. They would be very scared and worried about me. Worst thing, they would play highly emotional dramas, that would have been pushed all of us into "Depression". All of us would have needed a Psychiatrist.
30 years long after arriving, however, i have started feeling "corrupted" by modern civilization and i have decided to go away for a while and find myself. I just want to walk into the wild, content with the isolation, living in remote areas, helping strangers, reading books and keeping a dairy for my thoughts as I prepare myself for a new life. I do not want anyone to know what am doing or where am going, and i refuse to keep in touch with all of you after my departure. This will leave everyone to become increasingly anxious and eventually desperate sometimes. I take this opportunity to beg you all to accept this with open heart and respect my decision.
A trance-like state settles over my efforts; the climb becomes a clear-eyed dream. Hours will slide by like minutes. The accumulated clutter of day-to-day existence—the lapses of conscience, the unpaid bills, the bungled opportunities, the dust under the couch, the inescapable prison of my genes—all of will be temporarily forgotten, crowded from my thoughts by an overpowering clarity of purpose and by the seriousness of the task at hand.
You must know i love you very much. So much that am taking this risk for our future. You need to be very strong, calm, healthy and happy. Financial Commitments and Details are in Notes in my iPhone. Take care of saplings recently planted. I have earned few finest friends. Am not gonna name them here, otherwise they will be entitled to help you in my absence. Please accept any kind of help offered to you without a pinch of hesitation. We will pay them back when i return back. Get a book and start documenting whatever you feel and experience from Day.
You should not worry about me. I promise i will take good care of myself. No negative thoughts. I promise no one can stop me from getting back to you. You should not cry. Save your tear droplets for me till i get back. I will turn them into finest pearls. My news is gonna be biggest blockbuster in our family and friends circle. People will start talking weird things behind you and sometimes with you. They will start creating stories on my past, present and future. Don't listen to any of them and do whatever you need to do. Pool of sympathy, advises, questions, rumors, support will be showered on you from all corners. Please try to accept all of them with utmost humble, assertive and positive attitude. Don't be mean to anyone.
I promise i will get back to you :)
With love, logging out @ 4:00 AM, 06-Jul-2015
RD
Am I in depression? That's what doctor told so.
Anyways lets find out what made me to be depressed.
What is it with this creature called "Human Being"?
Why does he always crave for change? Change of place, change of job, change of love, change of wants and needs.
Why can't stay in one place, have a job to earn, a family to feed, friends to cherish and a vehicle to commute?
What is it with me? Why i always write philosophical blogs? Why have i stopped writing
skits and comedy plays? Because, even my words will become fake and my expressions will become pale when i try to write comedy when am not happy. May be am facing a mid-life crisis as i just crossed 30 :)
So here i come. Why am i not happy? What is it bothering me? I would say so many things are running in my mind right now. I was most disturbed when few of my colleagues got laid off from our company. I could not express my feelings. I could not arrange for proper send off. Am the lead. I had my role to keep the team intact and professional. I was helpless even i was being projected as the only responsible person who picked people to let go. Obviously i was hurt and frustrated. Gradually my mind started thinking about matters which are bothering the world. I was slowly submerging into a pool of worries.
If we consider, thousands of year ago, most of our ancestors used to live like that. A few acres of land in a village for living and a happy joint happy family with kids, uncles, aunties, brothers, sisters, grandpa and grandma. There was no wish greater than feeding family and meeting their basic needs. There was no greed. A miniature RAMARAJYA in every home. There used to be a member who heads and make every decision in the family. All others used to unconditionally bowed to his decisions. Trust was valued with words, respect was evident with honesty, gratitude was to help, guests were treated with love, education full of common sense, humanity was considered to be rich.
What now? No united families. Everyone in the family is considered to be head of the
family. Hesitation to take responsibilities. Pathetic job. Sending away children on job to other countries is still considered as mark of prestige. We are forced to do what we don't like to do. And we infinitely keep dreaming of things that we like to do. Affection and love is being measured by gifts. Ok to spend thousands on parties. NOT OK to give away a fraction for charity. Politics is no more a service and has become a symbol of money. Money has become symbol of status. Religions have become symbol of hatred. Trust has remained just in dictionary. Caring is being forcible.
Friends are in facebook. Communication in whatsapp and skype. 1000 channels in TV but no time to watch. News have become a circus. Adventure are for taking pictures. Kids are being made obsessed with gadgets. Education without common sense. Playing grounds are turned into apartments. Lakes are polluted. Parks are populated. Drinking water are being charged. Oxygen theaters are being introduced to get good air. Food has become slow poison. Villages are becoming old age homes. Farmers are committing suicide. Hundreds and thousands of tons of food and food grains are being wasted. Contrary, billions of people are suffering from malnutrition. Millions turn up in gym, aerobics, dance classes, yoga etc to keep them fit by paying fortunes. Contrary, only few turn up for voluntary works which will also make them burn calories and keep them fit. More than 20% of our country's currency are fake notes.
Enough reasons for me to be depressed? Am so worried about coming generations. What they will turn this world into?
World is going very fast. World is being insensitive. World is greed. Richest 100 people holds over 80% of the wealth in the world. Remaining 20% of the wealth is shared by the rest. Am talking about wealth in billions of people are not even able to match 100 people in the world. Crony Capitalism is the biggest threat than terrorism. Then rich show off in the news paper by giving away a fraction in charities. Very generous.
I will give you one simple example why am worried about this world. I have not gone to office since 3 weeks. Only few know that am not well. Others have just noted my absence in my desk. None. Not even a single person called me or texted me to check on me. How can you expect team work from a team like this? Very funny. Unfortunately this is the world we are living in.
I only wish people understand this as soon as possible and turn this world a better living place. Good Luck.
With Love,
RD
