F.R.I.E.N.D.S
"Hey Maga, why did you miss your friend XXX's wedding reception?" once a guy asked me. I just told him "I had other priority work and first of all he is not my friend." He was confused because i knew XXX for some time, i had gone out with him along with other people for movies, coffee shop, tea breaks and even travelled from Bangalore to Mysore quite a few times. He thought i was being rude. No i was not. I was just trying to make a clear distinction between whom i consider my friends and whom i just consider known people.
We have clear definitions for relationships like brother, sister, parents and even for lovers. But how do you define a friendship? How do you consider a person is your buddy? I believe definition changes in each individual. For me i don't decide whether a person is my friend or not, based on how close am to that person or how many times i have spent time with that person. Its very natural to think like that. If you are a vegetarian, do you consider eating every plant, leaves, fruits and vegetables. In case you are a non-vegetarian, do you consider tasting flesh of every animal species in this world. The same way you cannot consider every person you meet or every person you become close as your friend.
You always meet people or spend time with them for a purpose. There has to be an intention. Sometimes you might not be aware of your own intentions. But there will always be one. There is nothing wrong in that. People always come and go in your life. When i was not in facebook, many people asked why am not in this new social network world. Because i never needed one. I was always in touch with my friends (whom i really consider are my friends) by phone or meeting them personally. Now i have around 300 contacts in my FB account. Should i consider all of them as my friends. If not, why should i bother about whats happening in their lives whom i don't consider as my fiends. Why are we getting so obsessed with this fake friendships. Can you easily express what is in your heart to all of them? OR Would all of them listen to you and clearly understand what you are saying? The answer has to be NO. Because most of them are not your friends. You just know them. You both have just crossed the same path couple of times.
There is nothing like part time friends, short term friends. Friendship is always of life time. There are no adjectives like good friends, better friends and best friends. Friendship is beyond grammar. It is always beyond expectations, sorries,thanks and wishes and gifts. Friendship is a ship to sail on not to get sunk in life. Please don't make yourself fool by taking each person you know as your friend. You need to accept this fact and later this fact will avoid you going through pain or disappointments. They pick you up when you are down, and give you the energy to go on and believe in yourself. Through good times and bad, tears and laughter. A friend will always be there for you.
So since when i started making this distinction? The answer is since very long time. My parent left us (me and my brother) in Mysore to achieve their business interests. They had left a huge emotional gap then to fill up and i was desperately searching for someone to fill that gap. I tried letting many people in, but ultimately only friends were able to perfectly do that job. They turned my tears of sorrow into tears of laughter. They taught me how to enjoy both success and failures in life. I started finding my own definition for friendship. I started taking out those people who were polluting the definition of friendship. I made three groups of people in my life. 1 - Family, 2 - Friends and 3 - People i know. Each group has their own priority. It is up to to you and sometimes based on the circumstances the priority changes. This lucidity has avoided so many complications in my life. This purport of friendship has made my life very easy.
I have heard, seen and experienced fascinating stories about friends.
There were two friends XXX and YYY. XXX was dating YYY's sister and it continued for more than 2 years without YYY's knowledge. Initially XXX thought he was betraying his friend. XXX was such a stupid, he never had guts to tell the truth to YYY. After two years YYY's sister broke up with XXX. XXX realised that some day if YYY comes to know the story, YYY's sister might twist the story accordingly and that ultimately would end his friendship with YYY. So with all the panic, he went to YYY and told him the whole story. The reaction was unexpected. To his surprise YYY started laughing about the story and told XXX that "if you are dating my sister then that is the best can ever happen in her life". He trusted his friend completely and to my surprise more than his sister.
In another instance, two friends fell in LOVE and they both knew it is not possible to get marry and stay together their whole life. They had clear picture about their family commitments and sentiments. So they just wanted to enjoy those moments of love. In few months, the guy got engaged and that was his personal decision. His friend who was in Love with him went through such a pain and agony in the process, but still she never blamed him. She always wanted best in his life. She even attended his engagement and wedding with full moon smile on her face. They promised each other to be friends all their remaining life.
Me and my friend aparted after our 12th class and we chose to perceive further education in different cities. We both were not in touch for more than 6 years for various reasons. Later one fine day he remembered me and came to my city with full confidence of finding me again. By that time i had changed several rented houses. Am sure he was not able to talk to any of our common contacts. But he chose the hardest path. He chose to find my old house betting on his little memories. The house where i used to stay when we were studying in same college. He found our old house and got the contact number of my Dad and then he came home to see me. I was not at home. He told my Dad that he would come again next day and left. When i came home, my dad told me about him but he dint tell me his name. He had forgotten his name. I was so happy and excited even though i dint know who the person was. Because the way my friend found me itself enthralled me. I dint step out of my house till he came to see me again. I cannot express those joyous moments when i found out who he was. Our friendship grew beyond limits after that and the rest is history now.
But why am i telling all these stories now. Why the hell we need to know definition of friendship. Why the need for this distinction. Because the stories i told are happened between friends and they are all APPY APPY type. I have seen many cases where a person has misunderstood people i knew as his friends. He was blinded by gifts and closeness. He was dumb folded towards their selfish acts and wasted his precious years of life and lost his charm and respect in his family and friends circle. I realised those misunderstood friendship was his weakness. His actions changes, he shivers and blabbers in front of them and flow of words becomes difficulty for him. He loses his cool and those so called friends easily takes over him. Unfortunately they knew that he is going through this and they never helped him to get over it. Friends never does that. They always want best to happen in his life even at the cost of their friendship.
So lets not generalise the meaning of friendship and lets not fool ourselves and suffer in our lives. God bless you all!
With Love,
Rahul
Rahul
