F.R.I.E.N.D.S

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

"Hey Maga, why did you miss your friend XXX's wedding reception?" once a guy asked me. I just told him "I had other priority work and first of all he is not my friend." He was confused because i knew XXX for some time, i had gone out with him along with other people for movies, coffee shop, tea breaks and even travelled from Bangalore to Mysore quite a few times. He thought i was being rude. No i was not. I was just trying to make a clear distinction between whom i consider my friends and whom i just consider known people.

We have clear definitions for relationships like brother, sister, parents and even for lovers. But how do you define a friendship? How do you consider a person is your buddy? I believe definition changes in each individual. For me i don't decide whether a person is my friend or not, based on how close am to that person or how many times i have spent time with that person. Its very natural to think like that. If you are a vegetarian, do you consider eating every plant, leaves, fruits and vegetables. In case you are a non-vegetarian, do you consider tasting flesh of every animal species in this world. The same way you cannot consider every person you meet or every person you become close as your friend.

You always meet people or spend time with them for a purpose. There has to be an intention. Sometimes you might not be aware of your own intentions. But there will always be one. There is nothing wrong in that. People always come and go in your life. When i was not in facebook, many people asked why am not in this new social network world. Because i never needed one. I was always in touch with my friends (whom i really consider are my friends) by phone or meeting them personally. Now i have around 300 contacts in my FB account. Should i consider all of them as my friends. If not, why should i bother about whats happening in their lives whom i don't consider as my fiends. Why are we getting so obsessed with this fake friendships. Can you easily express what is in your heart to all of them? OR Would all of them listen to you and clearly understand what you are saying? The answer has to be NO. Because most of them are not your friends. You just know them. You both have just crossed the same path couple of times.

There is nothing like part time friends, short term friends. Friendship is always of life time. There are no adjectives like good friends, better friends and best friends. Friendship is beyond grammar. It is always beyond expectations, sorries,thanks and wishes and gifts. Friendship is a ship to sail on not to get sunk in life. Please don't make yourself fool by taking each person you know as your friend. You need to accept this fact and later this fact will avoid you going through pain or disappointments. They pick you up when you are down, and give you the energy to go on and believe in yourself. Through good times and bad, tears and laughter. A friend will always be there for you.

So since when i started making this distinction? The answer is since very long time. My parent left us (me and my brother) in Mysore to achieve their business interests. They had left a huge emotional gap  then to fill up and i was desperately searching for someone to fill that gap. I tried letting many people in, but ultimately only friends were able to perfectly do that job. They turned my tears of sorrow into tears of laughter. They taught me how to enjoy both success and failures in life. I started finding my own definition for friendship. I started taking out those people who were polluting the definition of friendship. I made three groups of people in my life. 1 - Family, 2 - Friends and 3 - People i know. Each group has their own priority. It is up to to you and sometimes based on the circumstances the priority changes. This lucidity has avoided so many complications in my life. This purport of friendship has made my life very easy.

I have heard, seen and experienced fascinating stories about friends.

There were two friends XXX and YYY. XXX was dating YYY's sister and it continued for more than 2 years without YYY's knowledge. Initially XXX thought he was betraying his friend. XXX was such a stupid, he never had guts to tell the truth to YYY. After two years YYY's sister broke up with XXX. XXX realised that some day if YYY comes to know the story, YYY's sister might twist the story accordingly and that ultimately would end his friendship with YYY. So with all the panic, he went to YYY and told him the whole story. The reaction was unexpected. To his surprise YYY started laughing about the story and told XXX that "if you are dating my sister then that is the best can ever happen in her life". He trusted his friend completely and to my surprise more than his sister.

In another instance, two friends fell in LOVE and they both knew it is not possible to get marry and stay together their whole life. They had clear picture about their family commitments and sentiments. So they just wanted to enjoy those moments of love. In few months, the guy got engaged and that was his personal decision. His friend who was in Love with him went through such a pain and agony in the process, but still she never blamed him. She always wanted best in his life. She even attended his engagement and wedding with full moon smile on her face. They promised each other to be friends all their remaining life.

Me and my friend aparted after our 12th class and we chose to perceive further education in different cities. We both were not in touch for more than 6 years for various reasons. Later one fine day he remembered me and came to my city with full confidence of finding me again. By that time i had changed several rented houses. Am sure he was not able to talk to any of our common contacts. But he chose the hardest path. He chose to find my old house betting on his little memories. The house where i used to stay when we were studying in same college. He found our old house and got the contact number of my Dad and then he came home to see me. I was not at home. He told my Dad that he would come again next day and left. When i came home, my dad told me about him but he dint tell me his name. He had forgotten his name. I was so happy and excited even though i dint know who the person was. Because the way my friend found me itself enthralled me. I dint step out of my house till he came to see me again. I cannot express those joyous moments when i found out who he was. Our friendship grew beyond limits after that and the rest is history now.

But why am i telling all these stories now. Why the hell we need to know definition of friendship. Why the need for this distinction. Because the stories i told are happened between friends and they are all APPY APPY type. I have seen many cases where a person has misunderstood people i knew as his friends. He was blinded by gifts and closeness. He was dumb folded towards their selfish acts and wasted his precious years of life and lost his charm and respect in his family and friends circle. I realised those misunderstood friendship was his weakness. His actions changes, he shivers and blabbers in front of them and flow of words becomes difficulty for him. He loses his cool and those so called friends easily takes over him. Unfortunately they knew that he is going through this and they never helped him to get over it. Friends never does that. They always want best to happen in his life even at the cost of their friendship.

So lets not generalise the meaning of friendship and lets not fool ourselves and suffer in our lives. God bless you all!

With Love,
Rahul

 

"Quarter Percent Club"

"Quarter Percent Club"..
                            .

'Practice before you Preach' After reading this blog, you may ask me "Are you practicing this by the way?" The answer is "Yes". I have been following this for a while now and i didn't find much difficulty while doing so. Now i have more clarity, so the blog.

Sometime back, when I saw a mail from HR asking to help security personnel who are working in our organisation for providing better education for their children, I thought how many would actually participate in this. I have seen people talking closely to security people and we were not sure how many of them would have actually come forward to help their cause. I was on an onsite assignment. I contributed some part of my salary and the response I got from my Manager and HR proved that not many have extended their help. So I started thinking what is the problem with people who have more than enough to live a comfortable life but still so much reluctant to give away very little part of their own. If I tell this to people, they will ask "How do you define comfortable life?" "How do you know you have more than enough in your life?". Those are very valid questions. Even I don't have answers for that.

Let me tell you a story. We met a farmer who lives in village about 70 miles away from Bangalore.

We had heard about him couple of times in Radio and print media. He is an expert in organic farming. We spoke to him and got an appointment to meet him. We had some kind of perception about him. We reached his farm and one man who was working outside the farm gate greeted us and let us in. The same man who greeted us outside came to us and introduced himself. I was shocked to know he is the same man whom we wanted to meet. He took us to show  his farm and happily told his life experience. How he got into this profession. And he said he is leading very comfortable life with small earning from farming because he is less dependent on labors and spent only on the things which are most needed for him. I doubted and i asked him more questions.

I wanted to know his priorities in life. So he told his daily routines, what they eat, what they wear, their earnings, their spending and his family. It seemed very true. In spite of that he has opened an free hostel for people who are eager to learn organic farming. He provides food, stay and education. I saw one girl who is in her early 20s from North India settled with this old man. She met him in a meeting and got inspired, packed her things and left her home and started living with him after her graduation. Now both are working on a documentary on the process of organic farming.

I am telling you this story because when a farmer who is earning very minimal has courage and eager to do something good for our society, then why not us? What is pulling us back? When a person like Mr. Kalayanasundaram who worked as a librarian can spend all of his earnings to help the needy and worked as a server in a hotel to meet his own needs, why can't we who is earning in lakhs think so much before contributing little of ours back to the society? The main reason for this is we are less organised. We don't know exactly how much we should contribute and how much we can spend on social cause. We really not sure what exactly is our responsibility. 

Why are we like this? Are we so blind and can't see any route to come out of this Chakravyuh of selfish life? Has darkness of our own needs have covered us completely? Why are we so eager to spend on gifts, parties etc on those who are already leading more privileged life, but think hundred times before spending on social causes?

So i started thinking how much can we offer help to the needy. I started with one percent of what we have. This includes time , money, love, care, knowledge and so on. But if i tell the same to people to do so. Then many of them might think the percentage is bit higher. After putting more thoughts into this, i could not come below 0.25%.

Lets start with Money. If I consider a person is earning 10000 Rs a month. So 0.25 percent of his/her earning comes to 25 Rs a month and 300 Rs a year. That is a pretty small but effective share when more and more people join hands together. But if you see here, you are sharing only 0.25 percent of what you are earning. Remaining 99.75% i.e., in this example 9975 Rs will be spent on your personal need. Can't we offer such a little share of our earning to the needy?

Coming to the time, 0.25% of 365 days comes to 21.9 hours. No body can say they can't take out less than a day from their time every year. It is less than the average time we spend in temples. It is much less than of time we spend watching TV, being active on social sites like Facebook or chatting on Whatsapp.

I have seen people telling me that they find it difficult to pass time in holidays. But never consider utilizing time this way.

As love and care cannot be weighed or calculated, i can say if we are showering so much of care and love on our family and friends. Can't we share little bit with people who are not so privileged to have one.

Can't we use more environmental friendly transportation in 0.25 percent of our total travel. Use non-plastic and more re-cycled things. Can't we spend little time to make sure that all electric appliances are switched off and unplugged when they are not in use.

"The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically. Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education."
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Can't we share 0.25 percent of our knowledge to those who can't offered to learn.

 

I say, we certainly can, but won't do. Why? This is sheer negligence towards causes in society. Many of us have not experienced the real joy of giving. Many of us have not seen happy faces at receiving end. When i sent mail to few of my good

friends couple of years back asking for them to lend monetary help for people who suffered in floods, i got overwhelming response. Within no time money started flowing into my bank account. From that money we offered a house to the needy through a trusted organisation in Mysore. The response was very surprising and inspiring. Since then i had always brought my friends under one platform but with more organised way this time. Not just helping others, but having fun while doing so.

This is just a initiative. This will take shape accordingly with your active or passive participation, your kind and valuable suggestions and guidance. I have created a Facebook account with our club name. Kindly join us if you are really interested and committed.

With Love,

RD

London Eye...

London Eye...

Me and Raki had never thought that we would have such a blast new year eve party in our life, that too in a city like London. I atleast had hardly imagined myself coming out of my college with a graduation cap on my skull. Well it happened when i decided to spend my long Christmas-New Year leave in London even though i had other plans to go around country side of England and Scotland to see raw celebrations of biggest festival season of the year. That was my second visit to London. I had travelled once before to make my presence at my niece's birthday party. This time i chose to travel in the day time as i missed beautiful landscapes between Glasgow and London when i travelled last time. But for me the first two hours of my journey was exciting and later it all looked same to me. Vast grass fields and bald mountains dint impress me much. A small smile used to arrive on my face whenever i saw couple of cattle and sheep wandering inside wooden fencing of those fields as if they owned those lands.

I reached Victoria station bit earlier than expected. Probably the train staff were in hurry to go there home on Christmas Eve. As usual i went to the underground London Tube station with a tube map in my pocket. I got into Victoria line and then took Jubilee line at Green park and travelled till Finchley Road. Then came Dakota Metropolitan line and took me to Harrow-on-the-hill station. Its just 10 mins walk from the station to my sister's place. And i loved walking on the pavements of London. My cousin sister and her husband were waiting for me near a mall and took me to an Indian Chit-Chat shop, as i had missed my lunch on the travel. I need to mention about how few areas in London have been asianized. Harrow-on-the-hill is one

of them. We spend next two days in shopping, restaurants and spent an evening in Greenwich park. Greenwich clock is located on a small hill surrounded by a vast green field. I was not disappointed even though i had enormous curiosity to see zero degree longitude line. I was keenly waiting to stand on that line which is also called prime meridian line.

As it was getting hard to pass time at my sister's place, i decided to meet Aravind who stayed in East Ham. We had couple of drinks in a pub near Tower Hill. Then we went West Ham to meet his friends. We had dinner together at Spice Inn restaurant where we get unlimited meals at around six pounds. And we got to see few Indian chicks too. Coincidentally one of the hotel staff was my class mate in college.

Then went to Horsham on Thursday i.e., 29-Dec-2011 to meet Raki and Co. There were few Kannada guys working along with him in the same project. I got along very well with them at our first meet. All of us had dinner at Raganna's place. Raki and me are so much starving for talks, our conversation went on till 3 AM in the morning. We had plans of hitting the tennis court in the morning. But by the time we got up, people were having lunch. Raki and Anand planned for a small trip to Briton. Its one of the busiest cities in England and i loved the place very much. Not because it is a gay city, but it has pebble beach, Briton Pier and Hard Rock cafes. Just think about how you would feel if you walk on the pebble shore holding your girl's  hand and breaching the hard breeze which was neatly blended with moisture and humid. That too under the grand lighting of Briton Pier. Unfortunately i was with two guys in a gay city. The temperature was too low after evening and we were drenched in rain later. There are no words to cheer when we saw our guys waiting in Horsham with Bottles of a Scotch. Then started our Raganna's dance. My god man! it came as a very good surprise to me. I never expected a guy like Raganna would do such acts. After few more drinks, he was uncontrollable. Since i gave him very good company, he never cared for others. Raki was only guy who didn't dance and he was busy in shooting. That craziness stopped just after two in the midnight. Not to mention, most of us had hangover the next morning.

The video Raki took of the last night party was an instant hit and the video gave us much confidence to carry the same amount of enthusiasm and energy  to the London.   All of us left Horsham in the evening of new year eve with bottles full of liquor and bag full of snacks. The National Rail took us through Ockley, Box Hill & Westhumble,  Leatherhead, Ashtead, Epsom, Sutton and finally reached London Victoria station at 6:30 in the evening. Few of us already had few drinks in the train and never to mention our Victory was totally out of order and his craziness went to peak when we saw enormous wave of crowd in the city. We even dint spare London Police. We sang Hindi songs and made them dance. That's the beauty of western world. People are very sportive. We wandered in the streets of London for a while and settled on Victoria Embarnment at around 7:30. Westminster, St Jame's Park, Queen Elizabeth II conference centre looked wonderful in the night. Crowd started pouring in and by 8:30 the street was jam packed.

Vicky had found some white company and he was totally involved in that business and in return of his entertainment to them, they threw few drinks on him. Raki and Ananda went to see around and got struck in the crowd. Aravind (our beloved child) and his girl friend Peeyush are supposed to join us. But they came and disappeared in the crowd. May be he needed much more privacy. May be he din't like the way our guys were staring on his girl friend:) Our Ravichandran was busy shooting chicks and was trying different angles to analyze their assets. So only me and Raganna left who had nothing much to do. So we finished our drinks and started looking at others drinks. 

The kick of alcohol had already started its chemical reaction inside our body and was pounding the doors of our brains. Raganna was the first one to open the door and the effect was visible in his dance. I also joined him after a while and it went wild later. Crowd made way in middle and made a circle kinda arrangement for our dance. That was enough for Raganna to showcase his variety of steps. His snake and veena moves were super hit. Victory also joined us after some time and those were damn good moves with a women. Later few other also joined trying to steal the show, but crowd wanted Raganna. It was more like a flash dance. People loved it. DJ had started playing best songs form his list. I heard he was from BBC Radio and he was an Indo-Briton. So we heard couple of Indian songs too. Kolveri and Chammak Challo songs made people crazy.

Count down for the new year started at 11:59. Clock bell started ringing at exactly 12:00. Euphoria was unbelievable. Fireworks at London Eye brought heaven to the Earth. JOY was seen everywhere. People were wishing each other by hugging and kissing. A bright welcome to the new year with lot of hope, loads of prosperity and tons of happiness. The environment was electrifying and i thoroughly enjoyed the moment. I just closed my eyes and thanked god for giving this opportunity to celebrate new year with my friends in London. Raganna shed few tears and i had to shed few from my eyes to console him. After a while crowd started disappearing and we just followed them. We were hungry and exhausted. On top of that we had to control Ragannna and Ananda. Drunken people were still singing and dancing on the streets. We grabbed few burgers when we reached Victoria station and the celebration became history when we hit the train back to Horsham.

I must say that was the best new year celebration so far in my life and i will definitely carry those memories till the end  of my journey. This blog is just a way to thank my friends Raki, Raganna, Ananda, Victory and Ravichandran.

With Love,
RD
      

Freaks of Nature, Errors of Man....

Small condolences to Toxin Town - Bhopal..

When i read the news about Meredith Alexander, who was one of 12 commissioners of the Commission for a Sustainable London 2012 watchdog, resigned from her post, citing concerns about Dow's relationship with the company responsible for the 1984 Bhopal gas disaster, i wondered how many of our politicians or bureaucrats took the same path to protest the failure in handling one of the world's worst human rights violations.

What exactly went wrong and who was accountable for this disaster and mishandling of the case...? I shall say all of us.. you may question me that most of us have not even born at that time.. OK then.. Lets take a look at pre and post events...

Before 1984... am talking about india before 28 years.. when india started putting little steps towards development.. when our govt started abiding policies to make rooms for foriegn players in industrial sectors, promising to create more jobs.. more growth and more sustainable economy.. Was it a wrong move...? No it wasn't... We needed foriegn funds into our economy and we did the same thing as any other developing nations in that time.. i mean at least in terms of policy making. But utterly failed to provide required infrastructure to match industrial growth aspirations and compromised in every way with companies like Dow Chemicals,the then UCC (Union Carbide Corporation). Developing countries are particularly vulnerable to industrial crises.  However, industrial accidents such as Bhopal are not just an Indian or even a Third World problem but are industrial disasters waiting to happen , whether they are in the form of "mini-Bhopals", smaller industrial accidents that occur with disturbing frequency in chemical plants in both developed and developing countries, and "slow-motion Bhopals", unseen chronic poisoning from industrial pollution that causes irreversible pain, suffering, and death. These are the key issues we face in a world where toxins are used and developed without fully knowing the harm that can come from their use or abuse.

Developing countries, such as India, are particularly vulnerable as they lack the infrastructure (e.g. communication, training, education etc.) required to maintain technology but are nevertheless, eager to set up and maintain industrial plants.  As a result, they compete globally to attract multinational companies for their investment and capital, and in this process, often tend to ignore the safety and health violations that many MNC's engage in. Developing countries confer upon MNC's a competitive advantage because they offer low-cost labor, access to markets, and lower operating costs.  Once there, companies have little incentive to minimize environmental and human risks. Lax environmental and safety regulation, inadequate capital investment in safety equipment, and poor communications between companies and governments compound the problem.

Why India..? Why Bhopal..?
The Bhopal facility was part of India's Green Revolution aimed to increase the productivity of crops.  Considered an essential factor in the effort to achieve self-sufficiency in agricultural production, pesticide production use increased dramatically during the late 1960's and early 1970's.  The decision to manufacture the pesticides in India, as opposed to relying on imports was based on India's goal of preserving foreign exchange and its policy of industrialization.  In 1969, Union Carbide (UCC-the parent company) set up a small plant (Union Carbide India Ltd.- UCIL) in Bhopal, the capital city of Madhya Pradesh, to formulate pesticides. Bhopal was chosen as the site for the Carbide plant because of it's central location in India, a railway system that spanned the country, a large lake which provided a reliable source of water, and sufficient electricity and labor to sustain a large scale industrial plant.

On December 2-3, 1984...
On the night of December 2-3, 1984, a dangerous chemical reaction  occurred in the Union Carbide factory when a large amount of water got into the MIC storage tank # 610.  The leak was first detected by workers about 11:30 p.m. when their eyes began to tear and burn.  They informed their supervisor who failed to take action until it was too late.  In that time, a large amount, about 40 tons of Methyl Isocyanate (MIC), poured out of the tank for nearly two hours and escaped into the air, spreading within eight kilometers downwind, over the city of nearly 900,000.  Thousands of people were killed (estimates ranging as high as 4,000) in their sleep or as they fled in terror, and hundreds of thousands remain injured or affected (estimates range as high as 400,000) to this day.  The most seriously affected areas were the densely populated shanty towns immediately surrounding the plant -- Jayaprakash Nagar, Kazi Camp, Chola Kenchi, and the Railway Colony.  The victims were almost entirely the poorest members of the population.

This poisonous gas, caused death and left the survivors with lingering disability and diseases.  Not much is known about the future medical damage of MIC, but according to an international medical commission, the victims suffer from serious health problems that are being misdiagnosed or ignored by local doctors.

Later 1984, December 3...

UCC Chairman and CEO Warren Anderson was arrested and released on bail by the Madhya Pradesh Police in Bhopal on December 7, 1984. The arrest, which took place at the airport, ensured Anderson would meet no harm by the Bhopal community. Anderson was taken to UCC's house after which he was released six hours later on $2,100 bail and flown out on a government plane. According to latest media reports, PC Alexander, the principal secretary to Rajiv Gandhi has hinted that former PM Rajiv Gandhi and then Madhya Pradesh CM Arjun Singh discussed several issues, including the release of Warren Anderson. A CNN-IBN report said that a declassified CIA document showed that Anderson was released on the orders of the Rajiv Gandhi government. Anderson left India on December 7, 1984.

Failure of Judiciary...

Its a best example of our toothless, slow and faulty judicial systems... It should be accountable for making this case a big mess.. The then respectable supreme court judges including former Supreme Court Chief Justice AH Ahmadi reduced the Bhopal gas tragedy into a truck accident. Question was not the efficiency of our judicial platform.. the real concern is where else victims can seek for justice..?
Since the tragedy, the victims have waged an "unrequited struggle for justice, but they have been ill-served by the Indian government, which failed to pursue the victims' case aggressively in the Indian courts, opting instead to go easy on Union Carbide and maintain a favorable investment climate". Union Carbide settled out of court for $470 million, thus avoiding any damaging legal precedent or liability. In return, India's Supreme Court ordered the dismissal of all civil and criminal charges against Carbide and its officers, and gave them immunity from future prosecution.  The Supreme Court felt that in this case, the victims needed immediate relief, not further legal delay.

International Law at present plays almost no role in a Bhopal scenario.  Substantive international law remains weak in the area of pollution, industrial hazards, and multinational business regulation.  An international treaty is needed under which it would be agreed that, if courts in a signatory country award compensation after due process of law, then the award would automatically be enforced by courts in other signatory countries.

Failure of Media...

In the immediate aftermath of a large-magnitude incident, both nontechnical and technically trained reporters converge on the site, looking for quick "answers" to the question of what caused the event. Most reporters are responsible, restrained, and unbiased in their reporting. However, a fringe group usually appears on-site 

that is more interested in developing causation theories, which seem to have great public appeal, regardless of their veracity. In the case of the disaster at Bhopal in 1984, the cause célèbre was the "missing slip-blind" during a water-washing operation. An assertion was made that failure to insert a slip-blind prior to water-washing of some filters ultimately led to water entering the MIC tank and starting a reaction. This assertion proved to be false later.

The difficulty with these incorrect causation theories is that, because the public and the media have a short attention span, the theories can become the conventionally accepted versions of what occurred. When a technical investigation discloses the actual cause much later, there may be less coverage, because the event is "old news" by then.

Failure of public...
I dont have to specifically mention anything here.. By this time we all would have understood our failures towards supporting the victims of the tragedy, in asserting elected governments to provide sufficient compensation for the individuals and families to cover their loses. We failed to extend financial help to the victims. We failed  to learn from this incident and have let them happen again since then. We dint do anything more than passing silent condolences whenever we come across these publications or topics.. Am sure we will continue to do so..

I wonder how many of you would reach till this point in the blog to get to know our failures...:) Offcourse unless you don't see any updates from your friends in FB...:)

On December 3, 2004, the twentieth anniversary of the disaster, a man claiming to be a Dow representative named Jude Finisterra was interviewed on BBC World News. He claimed that the company had agreed to clean up the site and compensate those harmed in the incident, by liquidating Union Carbide for $12 billion USD.

Immediately afterward, Dow's share price fell 4.2% in 23 minutes, for a loss of $2 billion in market value. Dow quickly issued a statement saying that they had no employee by that name—that he was an impostor, not affiliated with Dow, and that his claims were a hoax. The BBC broadcast a correction and an apology. "Jude Finisterra" was actually Andy Bichlbaum, a member of the activist prankster group The Yes Men. In 2002, The Yes Men issued a fake press release explaining why Dow refused to take responsibility for the disaster and started up a website, at "DowEthics.com", designed to look like the real Dow website, but with what they felt was a more accurate cast on the events.

I really hope to see more and more  people like Andy and Meredith in our land as well... I hope we don't see another Bhopal anywhere in the world...


With Love,
RD

Tanya to Texas....

Tanya to Texas....




'Excuse me madam!'...'Would you like to have some coffee'...
This pleasant offer with aroma of coffee from a beautiful lady in Emirates plane which was taking us from Bangalore to Frankfurt pulled me back from the whirl of missed emotions and landed me on the reality.


Sorry! I forgot to mention my story. Myself Tanya, a gal from a middle class joint family. Even though i was born and brought up in the metro city like Bangalore, i never got drowned in the tsunami waves of westernization. I never felt like crossing the lakshman rekha of my family and the society. Its just that the gal who was dressed in short flight attendant suit made me recall the way i was brought up and the way i have lived so far. I must say she was jaw-droppingly gorgeous. She was talking in such a style, allure and glamour as if every person in the flight including pilots have come here to get a slice of her attention. Fortunately or unfortunately it seemed to be true with many guys:0 I would have been the part of the same troop if i were a guy. But in this case, my bottle was pretty filled up with jealous which was anyway considered as birth right of all gals.


Consider my appology again. I never mentioned the reason of my travel. One day my manager came to me and offered me to work for one of our client in Texas, USA. I din't get that offer just like that. (Offcourse we dont get anything for free in IT :0). I was in discussion with my management since six months and i got this offer after putting diplomatic pressure on the management. Am a politician? Yes, you need to pretend like one sometimes for your own survival. The same stubbornness brought me a little improvement in me and made me inviolable when i was suffering from the decease of soft, tolerant, subdued mindset. 


Anyways.. i had to be present in US consulant office in Chennai to get my VISA stamped. Believe it or not, that was the first  time i traveled alone to any place outside Bangalore. The dilusion of fear inside me didn't leave any room for other feelings. I bet many of you have had the same experience and it was far worse than i thought. I was so scared as if my life will get collapsed if i don't get to work in US. There are few things that had put in this state. First, the rejection rate of applicants in L1 category was more and it had scored distinction when you look into the past few months. The comments and share of experiences from the applicants in various websites was not so favorable. Secondly, fear of facing people after rejection. I knew that my friends would use the situation in very effective way to pull my legs in case of failure. Third reason was i dint have answer for 'What Next?'.


God grace! I got visa without any problems. I din't get a chance to use ideas of my friends to pursue consulate officer. One told me to beg in case they decide to reject my visa like "Sir sir sir, please sir.. i have come from bangalore sir.. am very hard worker sir.. i want to see america once sir.. please dont dissapoint me sir.. have spent 1200rs for train and another 3000rs for the room sir.. n so on..."
Other idea was damn good.. he asked me to sing "Why this koleveri koleveri di" song. 


But i must mention few things about consulate office. It was damn worth experience. Consulate office is located near Anna Salai in Chennai. I could smell tamil soil soon i got out of my hotel early in the morning. As i was aware of cranky auto drivers and crowded buses, i booked a cab for the whole day. I could see a bit of queue line outside consulate office. Everyone were so formally dressesed i wonder whether Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg himself is waiting inside to greet them. I was told by many that appearance matters. So i was also expecting to meet Mark as well :0  Anyways.. we had to pass through many procedures.. Security check.. Documents verification.. biometric test.. Check deposit.. and finally visa interview. Most of the security personals and office pivans are Indians. But almost all the consulate officers are either American or Indian-American. But it was the attitude of pivans which irritated me most. They were so arrogant and tyrannical as if they were hand picked by Mrs. Hillary Clinton. I was so happy and relieved when i came out and saw my cab waiting for me right accross the road. 


My mind which was affirmative till then started becoming fickel. "Oh my god! am going to leave my parents, friends and all in few weeks...;(" This one thought acted as catatlyst to many chemical reactions inside me and made passage for so many other grisly feelings. Knowing the reallity i just cried for a while and shower of congratulations cheared me up later. I was told that i might need to travell in first week of January . I had to take of so many things in the little time i had. In that, shopping would eat most of the time like Bakasura. In the midst of excitment, we conquered many malls in Bangalore and shopped with holes in our wallets, as if i never come back to India. Shoes.. shirts.. pants.. thermal wears.. Leather jackets.. n so on... 
One of my friend took me to Gandhi Bazaar and we bought few bags for my journey. Funny thing was we never worried much while spending thousands buying branded clothes but we were looking for cheaper bags which will ultimately hold my stuff inside its cave. I think this is best example i can give to point out our middle class mentality. Lack of generosity even when you earn in lakhs....


When i told my friends that i will wear formals for office and western cusuals otherwise, they started lauging at me as if they just now encountered a brand new SardarJi joke. Yes, there was a reason for their reaction. I always have been wearing Salwars and i was consider as one of most traditional girl in the troop.  This sudden change in me could obviously surprise anyone. 

They postponed my travel twice due to some confusions in replacement/rotation policy and  I had to bare all oppurtunistic teasings from my friends.  I was so relieved when i got my tickets and arrangements for my intial stay in Texas was done. From the night before i was supposed to leave till farewell in the airport, situation was so cinematic i felt it was nothing less than our indian dramatic movies or never ending serials. They made me cut a big cake with wishes written on it. Few of my friends, relatives including our dog Bruno tried to express their sadness towards my departure by crying on the way from our home to airport. I swear i was not in position to console anyone that time.  My flight was at 3:15 early in the morning. I was not lucky enough to get direct flight to Texas. We had to travell from Bangalore to Frakfurt and then to Texas. I checked in by 12:45 and i started looking at my people and tried to speak something but i could not. Many words left behind and still all my messages had reached them through my eyes. With all the difficulty i with hold my tears to avoid embarrasment. Prestige issue you know. Few airport officers extended their help and guided me to get my boarding pass and sent me to immigration check.  Immigration officers did what they were supposed to do and sent me to the terminal point. Thank god i din't have to face any tricky questions. 


I was so rejoiced when i saw a guy who is a manager in our company sitting in terminal point. As if i found oasis in the dessert. Actually it was more than that . Coincidentally he was also travelling to Texas.  I got inside plane with my right leg putting first step in and you all know it is matter of auspiciousness. What you dont know is how many gods i called before my first step but never mind all those calls were free. I had the same innocent joy same as when i traveled in train for the first time when i was kid.  My desire of getting a window seat was vanished  and i had to sit in the middle row. After my colleague saw my uneasiness, he got into the seat next to me. Pilot took our flight till runway as if he was just driving a taxi and then he waited for some time. It took me by full surprise when all engines starting roaring and flight rocketed on the runway and took off before i came to know whats happening.  I was bit embarrassed when i came to know that i was tightly holding my manager's hand.  After chatting for a while with him i started watching movies. We had few perk breaks. Eyes were staring on beauties all time.  After rolling with few movies, i switched into magazines.  I saw outside tiny window and we were flying above white heaven.  It was a mesmerizing sight.  Sometimes flight seemed still on clouds. 


It was lunch time when plane reached Frankfurt after crossing oceans and lands.. It was a bad landing and i was not hoping to die that way. As the accident in Mangalore table-top airport was very much green in our hearts, I felt like i was stading in queue outside entry gate to "Yamaloka".  My head dizzeled and got sickness in my stomach. Pilots had to face shower of scoldings from fellow passangers. We had two and half hours before we leave to Texas. It would have been different senario if we had ended like this in any of our railway station. But not in this huge and high class airport. We just roamed around and did some window shopping. I was happy when i got window seat in the later journey to Texas. A cheeky smile came on face when i remembered my friend'ss advise to me and he had told not to put my hands outside window to buy anything like we do while we travell in buses. POOR FELLOWS :D........  There are no words to explain what i felt when i saw landscapes below from tiny windows and it was a wonderful view. That moment i truely wished to become one bird. Not chicken offcourse:) 


A big queue for immigration check and a few irritating questions from officers welcomed us in Texas airport.  Elevators carried us till baggage point and at one moment i din't believe when saw the fate of my bags. It looked handicaped with broken handles and wheels. Good things comes with good price.... Thats very true...:) I was very embarassed when i saw people staring on bags as if they just saw some alliens popping out of my bags. I wished Spider Man or Super Man would come to rescue me from this. But instead a taxi came and driver started putting my bags inside the car. After taking on roads and few turns we stopped in front of 'Candle Wood Suite'. A hot shower tried to relax my body and took a sound nap for few hours. 


Office cab took me to office next morning. My manager welcomed me with charming smile and kindoff reminded me that the real journey has just now started.................. Picture abhi bakhi hai mere dost:)


With Love,
RD

From heartache to healing…

From heartache to healing…

 

All of us get attracted to someone at certain age for different reasons,may be because we like the way they treat us-talk to us ,or because they are sooo........popular(and a good Human being off course). Often people fear rejection and display their strengths(i mean the positive side of them) in front of those whose relation matters to them.Once they are confident about their partner they start spending more time and think about their future. Along the line comes dangerous thoughts and they notice certain habits of their partner which they had neglected earlier. It so happens that there is a stage where they welcome the positive side of their partner and later start listing out the negatives. If they are mature enough they will look into themselves and realize everybody has their strength and weaknesses. But if they are not mature enough or worse if they are influenced by others negative advises then their relationship will end in a disaster.

It is not about the 3 words,it is about what made you say those 3 words. Most often couple say i dont know what is special about my partner but i just love him/her. People ...please don't assume that you are simply in love. It is impossible to love someone without a reason. If you hear someone say that then possibilities are:

:-- he/she is too dumb to think over the vital matter.

:-- he/she is living in an imaginary world and wants to be left there without facing the reality. The reason is   they are afraid to loose the thought that someone loves them truely.

:-- he/she does not have any good reason. They have their selfish reasons which they cannot share .

If you find someone with a broken heart and confidence remind them:

    You were a lovable and smart  person when you were born and that cannot be altered by someone other than yourself. Don't let others judge your character ,your strengths ,your weaknesses.They know you only for a couple of months or may be few years. But you know and you should know yourself right from your birth. If there are accusations made by your partner and if it is true then take it as a reminder.

For example: If your gf/bf says" you are too lazy"ask yourself how many times your parents or your friends might have told you the same thing. Either ignore the remark or take it as a reminder and change for good for yourself and not others. If you have ego problem tell yourself "Oh well i am just working on my parents remarks made by them couple of years ago. Trust me when i say this ,if you follow the above mentioned methods then at the end of the day you will not be left with any task under"Changes to be made as suggested by my gf". Instead it would probably be"Continuation of my new year resolution"

How to conquer a Heartbreak? Ask some. One needs to literally rage a war against this blatantly crazy feeling on the battle ground i.e., your sensuous mind. After i took a job in Bangalore, i got an opportunity to meet few of my childhood friends who are already settled here. When we were partying on one weekend, after discussing few topics, it was fortunate or unfortunate when one of my friend starting talking about her recent breakup. Soon after it became the hot topic of the night and everybody were so eager to share their experiences and that lead to the outrage on the way the perception towards relationships in people is changing drastically. I have seen many people around suffering and trying every possible route for mending a broken heart. After gathering details, suggestions, experiences from the victims of this painful phase, i decided to share it to one and all. Instead of finding reasons for the breakups, i would like to throw some light on the dealings of aftermath painful effects.

Everyone has, at some point, experienced the loss of romantic relationship and the accompanying heartbreak that goes with it. Sadness, anger and shame can follow us for weeks, may be even months, as we process our feelings. Some emotional responses to a breakup, including regret and the misunderstanding that the absence of our partner is the main source of our pain and loneliness can overshadow our normal life.

One needs to work it out before they have a chance to do some real damage like sleeplessness, loss of appetite, depression etc. Despite the turmoil, now is the great time to get objective and assess the events that led to where you are. Setting aside your emotions will really help to get perspective and learn from what has transpired you from this phase. I believe we should take this as sign of a new emotional plateau and a sign from the universe to move on and all our former romantic relationships have been profound learning opportunities.

My philosophy is that the universe puts lessons in our lives when we are ready for them and, somehow, others romantic life has been a great classroom. Recovering from heartbreak is an excellent time for self analysis and inventory. Its not a time to beat myself up, but to see what my role was in the relationship.

One should always ask, "What can i do to be more loving and compassionate to myself and others in the future? Could i have done more? Were there times when I should have done less? What were the features of the relationship i liked and disliked? What type of partnership would I like for myself in the future?" I take stock of my part and use that knowledge to enrich my future relationships. When we lose the one we love, we often need time to work through the pain and grow as individuals.

Most of the time we live in our own fantasy  world. Sure, you and your ex were in love. But clearly, your pairing wasn't as perfect as you are envisioning it, otherwise you wouldn't be here, looking back and wishing things had wound up differently. Some loves come into our lives not to last forever, but rather, to teach us lessons. Try to see the lesson(s) in your old relationship. Then, take this as your signal to learn them - otherwise, the universe will continue to present you with the same opportunities, over and over again… until you do!  Separate truth from fiction so that you can begin to see... 

Eric J. Leech, a famous counselor has written in her website and says " When a partner threatens to walk away from the relationship, our initial response is panic. This may cause the rejected individual to hold onto the other person (literally), beg, and even make desperate promises they can't keep. Once their lover walks away, despite the attempt to hold onto them, they are left with the same feelings of panic with nowhere to put this excess energy and stress hormone production, causing muscle tension, headaches, and overall fatigue. There was no pill to cure a broken heart, this is the one area where an over-the-counter medication might just take the edge off of some of this discomfort.

When we are in love, our brains are swimming in such heroine-like, mood inducing chemicals as dopamine and oxytocin. The minute our partner walks away, production of these "feel good" chemicals cease. Some heartbroken lovers even claim they have experienced side effects similar to a heroine addict in rehab, such as sweating and involuntary body tremors. One way to reopen the production of these, is to enjoy a bout of vocal camaraderie with a close friend or family member. Talking about our pain has a way of making us feel better, according to researchers. If there is no one to talk to (or they are tired of hearing your story), write in a journal, draw, or play an instrument for a similar effect."

Initially one needs to do some emotional and physical cleaning. Clearing the relationship that didn't work to make space for the one that does. If any of the items need to be returned, do so. If they are objects that are free and clear and you are ready to dispose them, great! If not, collect the objects that remind you of your former partner and put them in a container like shoe box until you are ready to make that move. This includes any clothing, personal items, and, especially, photos of him/her or of you together. It's a good idea to take those objects out of your space as you work through the emotions and lessen the reminder of the past. And most importantly, don't reach out to your ex - or reciprocate when they reach out to you.
 

As people say "You can't cut the chord when it's still dangling". You've got to pull it taut and make a leap of faith. You will thank yourself later!

 After breaking up with a long time partner, our minds are often clouded with regret and negativity. They can easily drag us into a depression. Meditation and relaxation (deep breathing) are a great way to calm ourselves. In conjunction with freeing the mind of painful memories of an ex, another technique is to substitute all nagging, negative thoughts for new, positive ones. For example, if you find yourself reminiscing about your ex during movies you used to watch together or the ice-cream parlors you used to visit in the weekends, invite a friend over and make a new memory.

“Getting out and exercising as often as possible after a breakup, engaging in such activities as walking, biking, swimming, yoga, or weight lifting can become a better way to deal this excess stress. Over the long haul, exercise builds confidence, self esteem, and offers the symbolic change of a new physical body to compliment the beginning of a new phase in life” says one of my friend, who thinks this had worked him to beat this ache.

Above all, remember that the loneliness and the pain of a breakup is a condition created by our own mind. Very few people are actually alone in this world, and if you choose to dwell on negative thoughts, you are only creating a chain reaction of emotional unpleasantness. We do not have any control over those who choose to love us, but we do have control over choosing to love ourselves! So choose what is better for you.

With Love,

RD