From heartache to healing…

From heartache to healing…

 

All of us get attracted to someone at certain age for different reasons,may be because we like the way they treat us-talk to us ,or because they are sooo........popular(and a good Human being off course). Often people fear rejection and display their strengths(i mean the positive side of them) in front of those whose relation matters to them.Once they are confident about their partner they start spending more time and think about their future. Along the line comes dangerous thoughts and they notice certain habits of their partner which they had neglected earlier. It so happens that there is a stage where they welcome the positive side of their partner and later start listing out the negatives. If they are mature enough they will look into themselves and realize everybody has their strength and weaknesses. But if they are not mature enough or worse if they are influenced by others negative advises then their relationship will end in a disaster.

It is not about the 3 words,it is about what made you say those 3 words. Most often couple say i dont know what is special about my partner but i just love him/her. People ...please don't assume that you are simply in love. It is impossible to love someone without a reason. If you hear someone say that then possibilities are:

:-- he/she is too dumb to think over the vital matter.

:-- he/she is living in an imaginary world and wants to be left there without facing the reality. The reason is   they are afraid to loose the thought that someone loves them truely.

:-- he/she does not have any good reason. They have their selfish reasons which they cannot share .

If you find someone with a broken heart and confidence remind them:

    You were a lovable and smart  person when you were born and that cannot be altered by someone other than yourself. Don't let others judge your character ,your strengths ,your weaknesses.They know you only for a couple of months or may be few years. But you know and you should know yourself right from your birth. If there are accusations made by your partner and if it is true then take it as a reminder.

For example: If your gf/bf says" you are too lazy"ask yourself how many times your parents or your friends might have told you the same thing. Either ignore the remark or take it as a reminder and change for good for yourself and not others. If you have ego problem tell yourself "Oh well i am just working on my parents remarks made by them couple of years ago. Trust me when i say this ,if you follow the above mentioned methods then at the end of the day you will not be left with any task under"Changes to be made as suggested by my gf". Instead it would probably be"Continuation of my new year resolution"

How to conquer a Heartbreak? Ask some. One needs to literally rage a war against this blatantly crazy feeling on the battle ground i.e., your sensuous mind. After i took a job in Bangalore, i got an opportunity to meet few of my childhood friends who are already settled here. When we were partying on one weekend, after discussing few topics, it was fortunate or unfortunate when one of my friend starting talking about her recent breakup. Soon after it became the hot topic of the night and everybody were so eager to share their experiences and that lead to the outrage on the way the perception towards relationships in people is changing drastically. I have seen many people around suffering and trying every possible route for mending a broken heart. After gathering details, suggestions, experiences from the victims of this painful phase, i decided to share it to one and all. Instead of finding reasons for the breakups, i would like to throw some light on the dealings of aftermath painful effects.

Everyone has, at some point, experienced the loss of romantic relationship and the accompanying heartbreak that goes with it. Sadness, anger and shame can follow us for weeks, may be even months, as we process our feelings. Some emotional responses to a breakup, including regret and the misunderstanding that the absence of our partner is the main source of our pain and loneliness can overshadow our normal life.

One needs to work it out before they have a chance to do some real damage like sleeplessness, loss of appetite, depression etc. Despite the turmoil, now is the great time to get objective and assess the events that led to where you are. Setting aside your emotions will really help to get perspective and learn from what has transpired you from this phase. I believe we should take this as sign of a new emotional plateau and a sign from the universe to move on and all our former romantic relationships have been profound learning opportunities.

My philosophy is that the universe puts lessons in our lives when we are ready for them and, somehow, others romantic life has been a great classroom. Recovering from heartbreak is an excellent time for self analysis and inventory. Its not a time to beat myself up, but to see what my role was in the relationship.

One should always ask, "What can i do to be more loving and compassionate to myself and others in the future? Could i have done more? Were there times when I should have done less? What were the features of the relationship i liked and disliked? What type of partnership would I like for myself in the future?" I take stock of my part and use that knowledge to enrich my future relationships. When we lose the one we love, we often need time to work through the pain and grow as individuals.

Most of the time we live in our own fantasy  world. Sure, you and your ex were in love. But clearly, your pairing wasn't as perfect as you are envisioning it, otherwise you wouldn't be here, looking back and wishing things had wound up differently. Some loves come into our lives not to last forever, but rather, to teach us lessons. Try to see the lesson(s) in your old relationship. Then, take this as your signal to learn them - otherwise, the universe will continue to present you with the same opportunities, over and over again… until you do!  Separate truth from fiction so that you can begin to see... 

Eric J. Leech, a famous counselor has written in her website and says " When a partner threatens to walk away from the relationship, our initial response is panic. This may cause the rejected individual to hold onto the other person (literally), beg, and even make desperate promises they can't keep. Once their lover walks away, despite the attempt to hold onto them, they are left with the same feelings of panic with nowhere to put this excess energy and stress hormone production, causing muscle tension, headaches, and overall fatigue. There was no pill to cure a broken heart, this is the one area where an over-the-counter medication might just take the edge off of some of this discomfort.

When we are in love, our brains are swimming in such heroine-like, mood inducing chemicals as dopamine and oxytocin. The minute our partner walks away, production of these "feel good" chemicals cease. Some heartbroken lovers even claim they have experienced side effects similar to a heroine addict in rehab, such as sweating and involuntary body tremors. One way to reopen the production of these, is to enjoy a bout of vocal camaraderie with a close friend or family member. Talking about our pain has a way of making us feel better, according to researchers. If there is no one to talk to (or they are tired of hearing your story), write in a journal, draw, or play an instrument for a similar effect."

Initially one needs to do some emotional and physical cleaning. Clearing the relationship that didn't work to make space for the one that does. If any of the items need to be returned, do so. If they are objects that are free and clear and you are ready to dispose them, great! If not, collect the objects that remind you of your former partner and put them in a container like shoe box until you are ready to make that move. This includes any clothing, personal items, and, especially, photos of him/her or of you together. It's a good idea to take those objects out of your space as you work through the emotions and lessen the reminder of the past. And most importantly, don't reach out to your ex - or reciprocate when they reach out to you.
 

As people say "You can't cut the chord when it's still dangling". You've got to pull it taut and make a leap of faith. You will thank yourself later!

 After breaking up with a long time partner, our minds are often clouded with regret and negativity. They can easily drag us into a depression. Meditation and relaxation (deep breathing) are a great way to calm ourselves. In conjunction with freeing the mind of painful memories of an ex, another technique is to substitute all nagging, negative thoughts for new, positive ones. For example, if you find yourself reminiscing about your ex during movies you used to watch together or the ice-cream parlors you used to visit in the weekends, invite a friend over and make a new memory.

“Getting out and exercising as often as possible after a breakup, engaging in such activities as walking, biking, swimming, yoga, or weight lifting can become a better way to deal this excess stress. Over the long haul, exercise builds confidence, self esteem, and offers the symbolic change of a new physical body to compliment the beginning of a new phase in life” says one of my friend, who thinks this had worked him to beat this ache.

Above all, remember that the loneliness and the pain of a breakup is a condition created by our own mind. Very few people are actually alone in this world, and if you choose to dwell on negative thoughts, you are only creating a chain reaction of emotional unpleasantness. We do not have any control over those who choose to love us, but we do have control over choosing to love ourselves! So choose what is better for you.

With Love,

RD